Glory of Trump: Vanquishing of the Nine Kings

CHAPTER III: Battle in the Land of Cleve

On the 11th day of the 8th month in the Year of Our Trump 69…

…the Nine Kings gathered in the Land of Cleve, to do battle with Trump in the Arena of Quicken Loans.

And the Pharisees asked:

“Gentlemen, who is unwilling this sundown to pledge your support to the eventual nominee of the Republican party, and pledge to not run an independent campaign against that person?”

Alone stood Trump, hand aloft.

And the raven-eyed Pharisee spake:

“Mr. Trump, you saith tonight that you cannot make that pledge?”

“I cannot saith. If I am the nominee, I shall not run as an independent. But I’m, you know, talking about a lot of leverage.”

And thus spake the flaxen-haired Pharisee:

“And you have called women you do not like ‘fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals.’”

And Trump replied:

“Only Rosie O’Donnell.”

And the Pharisee, with blood emanating from her wherever, said:

“Your Twitter account has several disparaging comments about women’s looks. You once told a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice it would be a pretty picture to see her on her knees.”

And Trump replied:

“Verily I tell thee, I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. We need brain in this country to turn it around. Verily.

And the raven-eyed Pharisee said:

“Mr. Trump, I shall grant thee thirty seconds—thirty seconds to answer my question, what evidence hath you that the Mexican king is sending criminals across the border? Thirty seconds.”

And Trump saith:

“To Border Centurions hath I spoke, they saith this is what is happening, because our leaders are stupid. Our politicians are stupid. And the Mexican king is much smarter, much sharper, much more cunning.

“And he sends the bad ones over because he does not want to pay for them. He does not want to take care of them. I ask thee, why should he when the stupid leaders of the United States will do it for them?”

And the Pharisee asketh:

“Trump Entertainment Resorts, which went bankrupt in 2009—in that case alone, money lenders to your company lost over $1 billion and more than 1,100 people were laid off. Is such the way you would run the kingdom?”

And Trump spake:

“Let me just tell thee about the money lenders. First of all, these money lenders are not babies. These are total killers.

“And let me just tell thee. I had the good sense—and I have gotten a lot of credit in the Financial Scrolls—seven years heretofore did I leave the City of Atlantis, before it totally sank, and I made a lot of money in Atlantis, verily I tell thee.”

And so it came to pass that He Who Was Not a King came to vanquish the Nine Kings.

And the multitudes were astonished and kneeled in submission and said, “A new king has arisen.”

But the Pharisees hardened their hearts and turned their heads to the ground in defiance and said, “This cannot be.”

 

To be continued in The Glory of Trump, Chapter IV!

Posted in Glory of Trump Tagged with: trump gospel