Category: Glory of Trump

Glory of Trump: Vanquishing of the Nine Kings

CHAPTER III: Battle in the Land of Cleve

On the 11th day of the 8th month in the Year of Our Trump 69…

…the Nine Kings gathered in the Land of Cleve, to do battle with Trump in the Arena of Quicken Loans.

And the Pharisees asked:

“Gentlemen, who is unwilling this sundown to pledge your support to the eventual nominee of the Republican party, and pledge to not run an independent campaign against that person?”

Alone stood Trump, hand aloft.

And the raven-eyed Pharisee spake:

“Mr. Trump, you saith tonight that you cannot make that pledge?”

“I cannot saith. If I am the nominee, I shall not run as an independent. But I’m, you know, talking about a lot of leverage.”

And thus spake the flaxen-haired Pharisee:

“And you have called women you do not like ‘fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals.’”

And Trump replied:

“Only Rosie O’Donnell.”

And the Pharisee, with blood emanating from her wherever, said:

“Your Twitter account has several disparaging comments about women’s looks. You once told a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice it would be a pretty picture to see her on her knees.”

And Trump replied:

“Verily I tell thee, I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. We need brain in this country to turn it around. Verily.

And the raven-eyed Pharisee said:

“Mr. Trump, I shall grant thee thirty seconds—thirty seconds to answer my question, what evidence hath you that the Mexican king is sending criminals across the border? Thirty seconds.”

And Trump saith:

“To Border Centurions hath I spoke, they saith this is what is happening, because our leaders are stupid. Our politicians are stupid. And the Mexican king is much smarter, much sharper, much more cunning.

“And he sends the bad ones over because he does not want to pay for them. He does not want to take care of them. I ask thee, why should he when the stupid leaders of the United States will do it for them?”

And the Pharisee asketh:

“Trump Entertainment Resorts, which went bankrupt in 2009—in that case alone, money lenders to your company lost over $1 billion and more than 1,100 people were laid off. Is such the way you would run the kingdom?”

And Trump spake:

“Let me just tell thee about the money lenders. First of all, these money lenders are not babies. These are total killers.

“And let me just tell thee. I had the good sense—and I have gotten a lot of credit in the Financial Scrolls—seven years heretofore did I leave the City of Atlantis, before it totally sank, and I made a lot of money in Atlantis, verily I tell thee.”

And so it came to pass that He Who Was Not a King came to vanquish the Nine Kings.

And the multitudes were astonished and kneeled in submission and said, “A new king has arisen.”

But the Pharisees hardened their hearts and turned their heads to the ground in defiance and said, “This cannot be.”

 

To be continued in The Glory of Trump, Chapter IV!

Posted in Glory of Trump Tagged with: trump gospel

Glory of Trump: The Annunciation

CHAPTER I: The Annunciation

On the 16th day of the 6th month in the Year of Our Trump 69,

He descended from the escalator on high, and seeing the multitudes, opened his mouth, and taught them, saying:

“Wow. Whoa. That is some group of people. Thousands. So nice, thank you very much. It is great to be at Trump Tower. It is great to be in a wonderful city, New York. There has been no crowd such as this, verily I tell thee.

And to the multitudes He spake:

“Some of the candidates, they went in. They did not know the air-conditioner did not work. They sweated such as dogs. They did not know the room was too big, because they did not have anybody there. How are they going to beat ISIS.

“Our Kingdom is in serious trouble. We do not have victories anymore. We used to have victories, but we do not have them.

“I ask you thence, When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let us say, China, in a trade deal. They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time.

“I ask you thence, When did we beat Japan at anything? When was the last time you saw a Chevrolet in Tokyo. It does not exist, folks. They beat us all the time.

“When do we beat Mexico at the border? They are laughing at us, at our stupidity. And now they are beating us economically. Verily I tell thee, they are not our friend. For Our Kingdom has become a dumping ground for everybody else’s problems.

“You have heard it said ‘The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you… For you were aliens in the land of Egypt.’ [Lev 19:34]

“But I say unto thee, When Mexico sends its people, they are not sending their best. They are sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

“You have heard it said ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself.’

“But I say unto thee, It has got to stop and it has got to stop fast.

“Last quarter, our gross domestic product, it was below zero. Whosoever has heard of this. It is never below zero.

“We have a disaster called the big lie—Obamacare, Obamacare. You have to get hit by a tractor, literally a tractor, to use it because the deductibles are so high it is virtually useless. It is a disaster.

“And remember the five billion dollar website, five billion we spent on a website, and to this day it does not work. A five billion dollar website.

“I have so many websites. I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a website. It costs me three dollars.

“Verily I tell thee, You need somebody because politicians are all talk, no action. Nothing is going to get done. They will not bring us, believe me, to the promised land. They will not.

“I hear their speeches. And they do not talk jobs. They do not talk China. When was the last time you heard ‘China is killing us?’

“And I watch the speeches. I watch the speeches and they say ‘The sun will rise. The moon will set. All sorts of wonderful things will happen.’

“And the people are saying ‘What is going on?’

“Verily I tell thee, it is going to get worse because remember, Obamacare kicks in in 2016. Bigly. It is going to be amazingly destructive.

“Doctors are quitting.

“I have a friend who is a doctor and he said to me the other day, ‘Donald, I never saw anything like it. I have more accountants than I have nurses. It is a disaster. My patients are besides themselves. They had a plan that was good. They had a plan. They have no plan now.’

“Verily I say unto thee, Our country needs, Our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a truly great leader now.

“We need a leader that wrote The Art of the Deal.

“We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It is not great.

“You have heard it said that a truly successful person, a really, really successful person, cannot run for public office.

“But I say unto thee, I am officially running for President of the United States and We are going to make our country great again.”

CHAPTER II: The Annunciation, cont’d.

“I will be the greatest jobs president that god ever created, verily I tell you.”

And He asked them that had gathered within the sounds of His voice:

“How stupid are our leaders? Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have people that are stupid. We have people that are not smart, and we have people that are controlled by special interests.

“I do not need anybody’s money. I am using my own money.

“You have heard it said ‘It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle that a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.’

“But I say unto thee, I do not care. I’m really rich.

“And by the way, I am not even saying that to brag. That is the kind of mindset, that is the kind of thinking you need for this country.

“You have heard it said that ‘Mr. Trump, you are not a nice person. How can you get people to vote for you?’

“But I say unto thee, I am a nice person. I give a lot of money away to charities and other things.

“You have heard it said, ‘He will never run. He will not want to give up his lifestyle.

“But I say unto thee, They are right about that. But I am doing it.

“You have heard it said, ‘When you run, you must announce and certify to all sorts of governmental authorities your net worth.’

“But I say unto thee, That’s okay. I am proud of my net worth.”

“A large accounting firm and my accountants have been working for months because I am big and complex. Everything shall be filed eventually with the government.

“Verily I tell thee, I have done an amazing job.”

“I started off in a small office with my Father in the land of Brooklyn and Queens. And my Father said—and I love my Father. He was a great negotiator. I learned so much just sitting at His feet playing with blocks, listening to Him negotiate with subcontractors.

“But He said: ‘DONALD, DO NOT GO FORTH INTO THE KINGDOM OF MANHATTAN. FOR THAT IS THE BIG LEAGUES. WE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. DON’T DO IT.’

“But I said, ‘Father, I have gotta go into the Kingdom of Manhattan. I have gotta build those buildings. I have gotta do it.’

“And after four or five years in the land of Brooklyn, I ventured into the Kingdom of Manhattan, and did a lot of great deals. I did them early and young, and now I am building all over the world.

“I have assets, big accounting firm, one of the most highly respected, $9,240,000,000. And I have liabilities of about $500 —that’s long-term debt, very low interest rates.

“In fact, one of the big banks came to me, said, ‘Donald, you do not have enough borrowing, can we loan you $4 billion.’

“I said, ‘I do not need it. I do not want it.’

“But in two seconds, they give me whatever I wanted. So the total is $8,737,540,000.

“Now I am not doing that to brag, because you know what? I do not have to brag. Verily I tell thee, I don’t have to.

“I am doing that to say that is the kind of thinking our country needs. We have the opposite thinking. We have losers. We have losers. We have people that do not have it.

“We have people that are morally corrupt.

“We have people that are selling this country down the drain.

“According to the economists, who I am not big believers in, but nevertheless, this is what they saith, we shall become as the Grecians. That is when we become a kingdom that is beyond Salvation.

“So just to sum up, I would do various things very quickly.

“I would repeal and replace the Big Lie: Obamacare.

“I would build a Great Wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I shall build them very inexpensively.

“I shall build a Great, Great Wall on our southern border. And I shall have Mexico pay for that wall.

“Mark my words.

“Nobody would be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump. Nobody.

“I shall find, within our military, I shall find the General Patton or I will find General MacArthur, I shall find the right guy. I shall find the guy that’s going to take that military and make it really work. Nobody, nobody will be pushing us around.

“I shall stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons. And we shall not use a man like Secretary Kerry that has absolutely no concept of negotiation, who is making a horrible and laughable deal, and then goes into a bicycle race at 72 years old, and falls and breaks his leg.

“Verily I say unto thee, I shall never be in a bicycle race. That I can tell you.

“Sadly, the American dream is dead.

“Amen.”

And it came to pass, when Trump had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine.

For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

Posted in Glory of Trump, politics Tagged with: glory of trump